what is the right thing to do?
Ok really that is a question for all of my youth worker friends.
There is a girl ok well women now. She was brought into my life about 4 years ago via some friends who moved away. They were concerned that when they left she would not have a Christian in her life. At the time the girl was about 16. She will be 20 in a few days.
Her history involves many psychiatric issues including inpatient stays for suicide and cutting. She has a lot of "Mom issues" and was mainly raised by her grandmother. a less then stable person but the best person in the family to care for her.
Today a situation come up. She told me there was a threat of a shooting on her campus. Not wanting to distrust the story but aware of how rumor can spread and a bit disturbed that she said campus police are treating it like a joke I called the campus to hear the actual story form them. Well she didn't want to hear that the police and the campus police are taking the threat seriously even though the experts feel their is no threat. They are putting extra real police and campus police on duty this week end. She wants to spin it out of control and get into a panic about it. She is on a final warning if she causes any more "drama" at school she will be kicked out. At first when I told her that her name didn't come up in the conversation she was like ok good what did they say, but then later when I was not allowing her to be hysterical over it she started to rage about how I was trying to get her kicked out of school. She started to get rude so I ended the chat. This was in facebook so after I did that she unfriended me. I have talked to her a bit more via the private message system and I know in the end this will end up with her sending a friend request again.
Here is the thing. After all this time she is in the exact same place as she was when I first met her. I could pull up old IM conversations and just cut and paste my half of the conversations. She doesn't want to get better or grow or heal. I have a hard time keeping healthy boundaries with her because she wants me to be a mother figure for her. I am not willing to play that role in this young woman's life.
I am exhausted and exasperated and a part of me wants to ignore the request and just let this person find another person to connect to. I feel that there really isn't anything more I can do for her. At the same time I question if that is the right thing do to in God's eyes. Help!
There is a girl ok well women now. She was brought into my life about 4 years ago via some friends who moved away. They were concerned that when they left she would not have a Christian in her life. At the time the girl was about 16. She will be 20 in a few days.
Her history involves many psychiatric issues including inpatient stays for suicide and cutting. She has a lot of "Mom issues" and was mainly raised by her grandmother. a less then stable person but the best person in the family to care for her.
Today a situation come up. She told me there was a threat of a shooting on her campus. Not wanting to distrust the story but aware of how rumor can spread and a bit disturbed that she said campus police are treating it like a joke I called the campus to hear the actual story form them. Well she didn't want to hear that the police and the campus police are taking the threat seriously even though the experts feel their is no threat. They are putting extra real police and campus police on duty this week end. She wants to spin it out of control and get into a panic about it. She is on a final warning if she causes any more "drama" at school she will be kicked out. At first when I told her that her name didn't come up in the conversation she was like ok good what did they say, but then later when I was not allowing her to be hysterical over it she started to rage about how I was trying to get her kicked out of school. She started to get rude so I ended the chat. This was in facebook so after I did that she unfriended me. I have talked to her a bit more via the private message system and I know in the end this will end up with her sending a friend request again.
Here is the thing. After all this time she is in the exact same place as she was when I first met her. I could pull up old IM conversations and just cut and paste my half of the conversations. She doesn't want to get better or grow or heal. I have a hard time keeping healthy boundaries with her because she wants me to be a mother figure for her. I am not willing to play that role in this young woman's life.
I am exhausted and exasperated and a part of me wants to ignore the request and just let this person find another person to connect to. I feel that there really isn't anything more I can do for her. At the same time I question if that is the right thing do to in God's eyes. Help!
posted by Chris | 6:30 PM
2 Comments:
Loving people is REALLY hard. I know I don't know the whole situation, and I know that in moments of exhaustion and feeling at wits end the easiest thought is just to cut ties and move on. Let someone else deal with it. But... what if there is no one else? Ultimately she has to be the one to bring about changes in her own life. You are doing the right thing by keeping a consistent message. Stick to your boundaries, but don't walk away. She already seems to have a lot of issues, and feeling abandoned by one person that has invested in her won't help that. Loving people is hard, but it is what we are supposed to do.
Thank you Katie I think that hit the nail on the head of my biggest concern and that is I would be one in a long line of people who have cut ties with her. I am not even sure if the family that brought her into my life are still talking to her. The questions I am asking myself is Am I preventing her from hitting her rock bottom? and Am I enabling her? Before she can start to climb up and make changes for the better and get the help she really needs I am afraid she is going to have to hit rock bottom. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me about this. It really is hard choice to make. I do care about what happens to this girl.
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