Been amongst the missing
I have not felt moved to write much over the past few months. I have been doing a lot of thinking that someday will be translated into writing. I did very well in my class and my grade is a very sound A. I am proud of that.
This holiday season was not really a happy one. There where a bunch of things that impacted it. I did learn that I am not happy being invisible in my own family and I pray next year I will have the courage to spend the time with those who love me and not with my family. I keep telling myself that I am doing the right thing by going to these family functions. Now I am wondering exactly how it is the right thing to go there and be treated the way I am treated.
Christmas eve was wonderful. I spent the day with a family helping to prepare for the company that would be coming that night. The only draw back was I was ready for bed by 8pm and had to leave prior to the 11pm service so I would not fall asleep on the way home. For that one day I felt part of a family and I felt secure in the love of those I was with. I was happy.
I realized a few things as this year has come to an end. Recently a friend and I have had some difficulties working together and we where angry with each other. What I realized is that I still trust that friend to love me. This person is part of my Christian family and we will talk out the problems but that the solid core of the friendship is not damaged and we will still be there for each other and our families. I had not realized the depth of my trust in this relationship until then. A lost friendship did not wound me to the point of holding others at bay. Instead I allowed others to come closer. God is amazing, I don't know how he got me to learn this lesson and to break this pattern of my past but I did.
Maybe my wanting to write this today is a sign I will be a little less silent, who knows. I have always been like this. I sit back and think about things for awhile then after I have spent the quiet time I have tons to write but while the ideas are rolling around my heart has nothing to write.
Happy New Year May this year be blessed for us all
This holiday season was not really a happy one. There where a bunch of things that impacted it. I did learn that I am not happy being invisible in my own family and I pray next year I will have the courage to spend the time with those who love me and not with my family. I keep telling myself that I am doing the right thing by going to these family functions. Now I am wondering exactly how it is the right thing to go there and be treated the way I am treated.
Christmas eve was wonderful. I spent the day with a family helping to prepare for the company that would be coming that night. The only draw back was I was ready for bed by 8pm and had to leave prior to the 11pm service so I would not fall asleep on the way home. For that one day I felt part of a family and I felt secure in the love of those I was with. I was happy.
I realized a few things as this year has come to an end. Recently a friend and I have had some difficulties working together and we where angry with each other. What I realized is that I still trust that friend to love me. This person is part of my Christian family and we will talk out the problems but that the solid core of the friendship is not damaged and we will still be there for each other and our families. I had not realized the depth of my trust in this relationship until then. A lost friendship did not wound me to the point of holding others at bay. Instead I allowed others to come closer. God is amazing, I don't know how he got me to learn this lesson and to break this pattern of my past but I did.
Maybe my wanting to write this today is a sign I will be a little less silent, who knows. I have always been like this. I sit back and think about things for awhile then after I have spent the quiet time I have tons to write but while the ideas are rolling around my heart has nothing to write.
Happy New Year May this year be blessed for us all
posted by Chris | 1:54 PM
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