Allowing myself to cry.
I spent a fitful night, sleep was elusive and when I did finally fall asleep in my bed I was surprise to wake up in my kitchen. I was searching for something, I am not sure what, but in the process I made a rather large mess in my kitchen and living room.
I went back to bed and over slept this morning. I missed my bible study, which I am do regret. I did make it to my church on time for second service.
Just before service started a friend gave me a hug. This friend lost her mother recently and even though I was not crying at that point she realized my heart was very heavy and with her arm around me lead me to a more private place. Once there I lost it. I cried, I shared the hurt of my heart, I allowed myself to grieve.
Another friend realized that we went to a private place and came in to see if I was ok. Together we hugged and prayed and I wept. We talked for a long time. Everything that I had bottled up came out. We kept God in the grief and in our talking we asked him for comfort and thanked him for his faithful love.
My heart doesn't feel so heavy right now. I don't feel alone. I know that my Christian family has my back like they always do. I knew this all along but I was not ready to grieve. I wasn't ready to face the hurt and the sadness of it all. I need to face it in a safe and loving place and today God provided that for me.
It was safe to allow the feelings to surface. There wasn't any risk of being judged there wasn't a risk of saying to much or feeling too much. There wasn't a risk of being told I was stupid for feeling the way I do.
I was safe and loved and comforted. I know that opening this box and looking at the feelings and allowing myself to feel them is the first step on the road to healing. I know I will cry more I will process this loss and I will heal. The road will not be too much for me, because I am not on this road alone. Christ is with me. He will provide what I need to walk this road. He will heal me and love me through this. My family in him will stand with me and love me through this.
I spent a fitful night, sleep was elusive and when I did finally fall asleep in my bed I was surprise to wake up in my kitchen. I was searching for something, I am not sure what, but in the process I made a rather large mess in my kitchen and living room.
I went back to bed and over slept this morning. I missed my bible study, which I am do regret. I did make it to my church on time for second service.
Just before service started a friend gave me a hug. This friend lost her mother recently and even though I was not crying at that point she realized my heart was very heavy and with her arm around me lead me to a more private place. Once there I lost it. I cried, I shared the hurt of my heart, I allowed myself to grieve.
Another friend realized that we went to a private place and came in to see if I was ok. Together we hugged and prayed and I wept. We talked for a long time. Everything that I had bottled up came out. We kept God in the grief and in our talking we asked him for comfort and thanked him for his faithful love.
My heart doesn't feel so heavy right now. I don't feel alone. I know that my Christian family has my back like they always do. I knew this all along but I was not ready to grieve. I wasn't ready to face the hurt and the sadness of it all. I need to face it in a safe and loving place and today God provided that for me.
It was safe to allow the feelings to surface. There wasn't any risk of being judged there wasn't a risk of saying to much or feeling too much. There wasn't a risk of being told I was stupid for feeling the way I do.
I was safe and loved and comforted. I know that opening this box and looking at the feelings and allowing myself to feel them is the first step on the road to healing. I know I will cry more I will process this loss and I will heal. The road will not be too much for me, because I am not on this road alone. Christ is with me. He will provide what I need to walk this road. He will heal me and love me through this. My family in him will stand with me and love me through this.
posted by Chris | 1:00 PM
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