why is it I wonder
Here is the big question that I have for myself right now. Why is it the bigger the problem the less likely I am to seek help?
I have been troubled for months and months and months. I have scratched the surface some talking in spurts to the former Youth Pastor at my former church, never really talking enough to figure out what the problem is so I can do something about it. It hurt to much. I talked just enough so that my friend would be aware that I was troubled and pray for me. Really I wrote just enough because most of our convos are on IM. When he reads this he is going to think "Scratch the surface!??" Some of those convos where pretty intense. The problem is I never talked about the root of the problem. I never took the time to look and see what the root of the problem is. Until my big problem turned into a very big problem out of control and hurting more left alone then talking would cause.
I had made plans with my friend the other night to have some girl time away from kids and husband to talk uninterrupted. I decided that when we where done talking about her life I was going to tell her how I was feeling. We had planned on her staying over until 10:20pm She needed to be home around 10:30 When the conversation about her stresses came to it's natural conclusion and we looked at the clock it was 12:30am a wee bit past our 10:20 end time. I gave her the 5 minute version of what is going on with me and we made plans to meet again the next night.
After dinner the next night we went for a drive and just hung out in a parking lot. (What women have to do to be alone!) As we left the house her husband joked see you at 2 in the morning. I think as a man he has no clue how we could go 2 hours over and not realize the time has past. :-)
I talked and realized things that where at the root of me problem that I did not know until I said them. I don't hurt all the time now. There is some calm and I have an idea of what I need to be working on. It still hurts and I am still mad at myself but not as much as it was.
Yet again I find myself wondering why I didn't talk to a girl friend sooner. Girl friends understand in a way that Guy friends don't. No matter who I talked to I needed to do it a long time ago and I didn't. I created a situation where I was hurting even more because I refused to deal with the problem. I need to figure out why I do this.
I have been troubled for months and months and months. I have scratched the surface some talking in spurts to the former Youth Pastor at my former church, never really talking enough to figure out what the problem is so I can do something about it. It hurt to much. I talked just enough so that my friend would be aware that I was troubled and pray for me. Really I wrote just enough because most of our convos are on IM. When he reads this he is going to think "Scratch the surface!??" Some of those convos where pretty intense. The problem is I never talked about the root of the problem. I never took the time to look and see what the root of the problem is. Until my big problem turned into a very big problem out of control and hurting more left alone then talking would cause.
I had made plans with my friend the other night to have some girl time away from kids and husband to talk uninterrupted. I decided that when we where done talking about her life I was going to tell her how I was feeling. We had planned on her staying over until 10:20pm She needed to be home around 10:30 When the conversation about her stresses came to it's natural conclusion and we looked at the clock it was 12:30am a wee bit past our 10:20 end time. I gave her the 5 minute version of what is going on with me and we made plans to meet again the next night.
After dinner the next night we went for a drive and just hung out in a parking lot. (What women have to do to be alone!) As we left the house her husband joked see you at 2 in the morning. I think as a man he has no clue how we could go 2 hours over and not realize the time has past. :-)
I talked and realized things that where at the root of me problem that I did not know until I said them. I don't hurt all the time now. There is some calm and I have an idea of what I need to be working on. It still hurts and I am still mad at myself but not as much as it was.
Yet again I find myself wondering why I didn't talk to a girl friend sooner. Girl friends understand in a way that Guy friends don't. No matter who I talked to I needed to do it a long time ago and I didn't. I created a situation where I was hurting even more because I refused to deal with the problem. I need to figure out why I do this.
posted by Chris | 4:06 PM
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