Avoiding conflict
A lesson I have been learning over the past few years is resolving conflict before it turns into a really big problem. It has been a hard lesson to learn because it means confronting people when I am not getting what I need from them or when something that has been done or said is hurtful or a problem for me.
I do not like to confront people. I do not like to speak up for myself. I tend to allow people to walk all over me getting more and more upset. Not exactly holding a grudge but holding in my feelings until it just can not do it any longer.
I often found if I had said something in the beginning then the problem never would have been.
Tonight I sent an email to someone stating what my difficulty is with her/him. I informed this person what I needed from them in order to work along side and be useful. I know from years of experience that communication is difficult with this person. The second to last time we worked together I was in tears over how bad it was. I held it all in. Not wanting to confront the situation. I swore I would not put myself in that situation again.
The last time we worked together I was encouraged by a good friend to talk to the person. I came in on the project so late that there was less then two weeks to do a job that ordinarily I would have had and needed months to do. I did it because no one else stepped up to the plate to do it and I felt bad for her/him. When it was over and the stress was off I asked the person to have coffee with me and talked to her/him about my difficulties working together. I explained that I had not volunteered to do the jobs I normally do because of it and why I was reduced to tear from the stress created by the situation.
We agreed to be better at communicating and she/he encouraged me to be more confrontational with her/him. Our friendship did not suffer from that talk, really it has been stronger I think.
Over the past week I can see that the same type of things that created problems in the past are starting again. I decided tonight to take the road of talking about it. I sent the email hopefully the lessons learned will pay off and this time I can resolve the conflict before it truly becomes one.
A lesson I have been learning over the past few years is resolving conflict before it turns into a really big problem. It has been a hard lesson to learn because it means confronting people when I am not getting what I need from them or when something that has been done or said is hurtful or a problem for me.
I do not like to confront people. I do not like to speak up for myself. I tend to allow people to walk all over me getting more and more upset. Not exactly holding a grudge but holding in my feelings until it just can not do it any longer.
I often found if I had said something in the beginning then the problem never would have been.
Tonight I sent an email to someone stating what my difficulty is with her/him. I informed this person what I needed from them in order to work along side and be useful. I know from years of experience that communication is difficult with this person. The second to last time we worked together I was in tears over how bad it was. I held it all in. Not wanting to confront the situation. I swore I would not put myself in that situation again.
The last time we worked together I was encouraged by a good friend to talk to the person. I came in on the project so late that there was less then two weeks to do a job that ordinarily I would have had and needed months to do. I did it because no one else stepped up to the plate to do it and I felt bad for her/him. When it was over and the stress was off I asked the person to have coffee with me and talked to her/him about my difficulties working together. I explained that I had not volunteered to do the jobs I normally do because of it and why I was reduced to tear from the stress created by the situation.
We agreed to be better at communicating and she/he encouraged me to be more confrontational with her/him. Our friendship did not suffer from that talk, really it has been stronger I think.
Over the past week I can see that the same type of things that created problems in the past are starting again. I decided tonight to take the road of talking about it. I sent the email hopefully the lessons learned will pay off and this time I can resolve the conflict before it truly becomes one.
posted by Chris | 10:18 PM
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