My cousin Tommy called, well Tom to the rest of the world but to me he will always be Tommy. He will be in town this weekend. I put in a reservation for Sunday. I am looking forward to spending sometime with him. His wife will be joining us for Christmas this year too. She isn't always able to come so it will be nice to spend sometime with her.

I may have the Christmas blues, but Tommy is coming home and that is something to look forward to. Tommy has always just loved me for who I am. Never asked me to change to suit his needs. Happy or sad Tommy loves me.

I look forward to laughing with him over silly stuff and talking geek, I am sure Sci-fi will come up, and just sharing time.

Best gift ever was my phone ringing tonight.

I am so frustrated!! With myself for how I am feeling, and with one particular thing that has been going on. Now there is an added hurt to the already big hurt. From different sorces but, you know, hurt is hurt.

All I want to do is cry, I don't feel merry, I don't feel joy, all I feel is sad and angry. What a way to spend the Christmas holiday. I want to curl up and not wake up till Christmas is over. I have tried so hard to put myself in the spirit; the tree is up and everything. A friend is about to pick me up and make me finish my shopping.

I just don't want to go, I want to stay home and not be around anyone. I have forced myself to go out and be social when I don't want to.

None of it is helping, all I want for Christmas is a good cry and to be left alone.