quiet

I drove home from hugging a broken hearted teen and my mind began to wander, I played the book on tape I had in my car.

I am home and settling in for the night again thoughts crowd my mind, I popped in a movie.

I can't stand to be alone with my thoughts. I can't stand the quiet. In the quiet my mind wanders to sad places and momories I can't yet face.

If the quiet is this hard for me I can imagine how hard it is for Sheldon and Vikki. Please continue to pray for all of us touched by this loss.

Scott sat in his living room for so long that the ME doesn't think we will ever know the cause of death.

My face is blotchy I seem to cry at random times. It's always when it is quiet and my mind is free to wander. To stop the tears I guess I am stopping the quiet.

Mercy Me has a song called Homesick this is how I feel.

Mercyme - Homesick Lyrics

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Women of Faith

I went to WOF against my better judgment. For the last five years or so I have passed on this event. Often I lucked out and couldn't go because there was a youth event or some other commitment that I had to be at. The first year I had nothing and had to explain to everyone that I didn't want to go. Yikes! The reaction I got to that, you would think I was worshiping the devil because I didn't want to go to women of faith.

My ears hurt when there is loud noise, I am an introvert and constantly being around people for 3 days is very hard on me, I am uncomfortable in crowds. Does a worship event with 15 thousand women crammed into downtown sound like a good fit for me? I sure didn't thinks so.

Folks who moved away were coming home for this and one of them talked me into going. I never really had a chance to talk with her or any of the others during the whole time. Most of the time I felt completely alone sort of an odd feeling when there are that many women around you. Everyone was there with their best friend and I was friends with many but didn't fit in any group. A couple of the youth group girls were there and with them I had the best of my time.

I went to this feeling very fragile. My heart was still aching and I was rather depressed. A memory would pop into my head and I would start crying all over again. I was holding on by a thread and it was slowly breaking.

The pre-conference was good the topic at your wits end. Well that is me all right. I really got a lot out of it and the worship time was helping me feel closer to God, something I truly needed. Try as I might I couldn't focus my brain on prayer or worship last week. My heart wanted nothing to do with it either.

Marilyn spoke about hope and Kathy sang about hope. The message was clear. Hope no matter what is making you at wits end there is hope because we have Christ. There isn't anything that Christ can't handle for us if we allow him. Our hope is in Christ.

I started to breath a little better and relaxed a tiny bit. I felt some what closer to the Lord the first signs of life began to sprout in my heart. I laughed a true laugh not a forced laugh for the first time in a week.Chanda had a lot to do with that. I laughed so hard my sides ached. I feel sorry for the poor lone male in the audience well, I guess he asked for it after all it is called women of faith.

Patsy spoke on faith and trusting the Lord. The consequence of panicking and something that goes before a fall. Laughed with a message. Her message really was Blessed is the women whose strength is in the Lord. She said " so often I am nothing but a pile of weakness who thinks she knows what she is doing, and then finds out she ought to listen a little closer to advice."

Sandy Patti spoke about a time in her life where she was lost. She spoke of a time she was in the last row of the of the balcony and the church under the stained glass window and God put a message for her in the pastors mouth. I felt like I was the one under the stain glass window.

The other interesting part was meeting most of them. Well I didn't intrude on them, I sat back mostly and watched others talk with them. The interaction and encouragement all of the women involved with WOF was inspiring to watch. We stayed in the same hotel so through out the time I ran into different speakers and singers at different times. Sandy Patti showed that she is a real person. Around midnight as she is trying to get her hungry son to choose what he wanted to snack on and she is trying to remain patient and help him decide. The funny part was My friend was doing the same thing the only difference her child was in her 20s. :-)The moms laughed with each other over this. Both saying the same things to there children. A Mom is a Mom is a Mom, age of the child is not relevant. Love is.

Over all theme <

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

and

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

There were many things this weekend that reached my heart but, I think Patsy had the most impact on me. When she was speaking on David and Goliath she said "This young boy could see through the size of his problem and trust God to do the impossible."

It is a journey of faith one that we are on all our life. We are always in need of more trust and more growth. Faith and trust in the Lord is where we find the strength to make it through the valleys and safety is in God's hands.

I left feeling closer to the Lord and feeling a bit more whole. I am glad I went but the stress of the environment was more then my body could handle and I spent all day in bed yesterday with a very upset body. I am glad I went but I don't think I will put myself through that again.