Note to self never say I can't handle any more of something. God will prove you wrong. I am sure the reason and purpose is to remind us that through him and with him there isn't anything we can not handle.

This year I have lost 4 people that I cared about. Two of the people died this past week. Shortly after the service for Ray I said to my friend I really have had enough death for awhile and I don't think I could handle another for awhile. The next day I received word that my friend Sandy had gone home to the Lord.

We I feel like I have been punched in the gut and I can't seem to stop crying. Then I feel rather numb and like I just can't feel anything. But I am still here the world did not stop friends are praying and I am trying to pray. I am handling it I am dealing with it. God is seeing me through.

I rejoice for Sandy, she gave her life to the Lord and has served him faithfully through so very much sickness. She is at peace and she has gone home. She is not sick any longer. I praise God for ending her suffering and taking her home.

I am selfish, even though I know all of this and rejoice for her I am thinking of myself and how I want her here to talk to. I have a few letters that I had writen to her but not mail yet. I want the time back to send the letters. I want to sit for hours at Ruby Tuesdays and enjoy a wonderful dinner with a friend. What I want just doesn't matter in this case. My sorrow is selfish I am selfish.