I think I just might be crazy

Tonight was small group and I was invited to my friends house for dinner before going. A rare thing happened, for a few minutes my friend her husband and I were alone in the kitchen for about 15min and had a chance to talk. The husband ran the older kids down to a friends house for car pool to youth group. The little one was upstairs playing and grandpa was over in his part of the house. When the husband came back my friend and I were talking about my english guy as he has become known. The husband was drawn into the conversation for the male perspective. I never did hear all of the male perspective because grandpa came over to talk about some football game and didn't seem to notice there was a conversation going on already. :-)

Small group was great and convicting funny because in some ways it feels like it is all for me. The topics and the verses all seem to really hit home for me. Even with my back to her my friend just knew how a few things really would hit home for me. I felt her hand on my back at one particular moment. I am glad that I have a friend in this group who knows me so well. It is a comfort. The women who leads us is rather astute she was about to call the group to begin and glanced over and notice that we were talking and added in three minutes to the lets get started. :-)

I am terrified a leap of faith is required and in some ways I feel like I am putting conditions on my leaping. I think that I am being sensible because I want to be sure that what I am doing is the right thing and having certain things happen to lead me where I think I am being led then I will know that it is God's call not mine.

I think I have fallen in love and that is what is so darn terrifying. I need to figure out how to mention a few things and I am not sure how to go about that. What ifs fill my mind.

There is church stuff going on as well. Based on some communication with the Elders of my former church I may be able to call that church my church again. I left for a few reasons but the main one was a lack of willingness to admit there were problems never mind doing something about them. Now there is a concerted effort to do something about them. Funny how this happens at a point when I am thinking about leaving the country. My friend thinks that this is good in a closure sort of way. I think it adds to the confusion.