Mother's Day musings
It's Mother's Day my least favorite day of the year. I have longed to have a good relationship with my mom, that has not happened and I think I need to let that go. I feel that I was created to be a mom it is the strongest longing in my heart, that has not happened either and I think I need to let that go too. Mother's Day has always been a reminder of what I haven't got and yearn for.
I have wondered why God created me to be a mother and yet has with held that gift from me. It has been so hard for me to accept my lack of mother hood. This day each year has been a day of mourning.
The past few years have been better and I found myself pondering what has made that difference. The first thing that made me think was a phone call I made. I called a women I know to ask a question and I said happy mother's day to my spiritual mother. It occurred to me that this women has support and been motherly to me and true mentor. Welcomed me into her family taught me things my own mother should have taught me years ago and somehow I have managed not to learn. If this women can be a mother to me maybe my desire to be a mother is being filled another way.
I don't think God would create me to be a mother for no reason. When I was a child if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would have said I wanted to be a mom.
The other point to ponder was an e-card I received. I know a young women she is 23 she is separated from her husband and going through a hard time. She has an 8 year old and a 2 year old. I have been sharing the gospel with her and she is seeking God asking questions and talking about finding a church. She sent me the e-card. It is a mother's day e-card. She said I know you don't have a child but you are always taking care of someone. You have a mother's heart and I would have been lost without you these past few weeks. This was not my first mother's day card. Student's have given me cards and a few gifts over the years. Their point was that I have met a need in their lives and made a difference and they wanted to say thank you. Each of these has meant a lot to me. It's really nice to hear you have made a difference.
What occurred to me today is why did these different people choose mother's day to express this sentiment to me?
The answer is some how over the years I have changed and I am now filling a role for some people as the women that I called today has for me. God is using me how he created me it's just not how I see it but how he sees it.
This realization doesn't change the longings but it did make today less a day of mourning. In the end after visiting my parents I went to a friend's for dinner and had a great day. One of my youth washed my car for me today.
Here is the conclusion I have come to.
I have wondered why God created me to be a mother and yet has with held that gift from me. It has been so hard for me to accept my lack of mother hood. This day each year has been a day of mourning.
The past few years have been better and I found myself pondering what has made that difference. The first thing that made me think was a phone call I made. I called a women I know to ask a question and I said happy mother's day to my spiritual mother. It occurred to me that this women has support and been motherly to me and true mentor. Welcomed me into her family taught me things my own mother should have taught me years ago and somehow I have managed not to learn. If this women can be a mother to me maybe my desire to be a mother is being filled another way.
I don't think God would create me to be a mother for no reason. When I was a child if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would have said I wanted to be a mom.
The other point to ponder was an e-card I received. I know a young women she is 23 she is separated from her husband and going through a hard time. She has an 8 year old and a 2 year old. I have been sharing the gospel with her and she is seeking God asking questions and talking about finding a church. She sent me the e-card. It is a mother's day e-card. She said I know you don't have a child but you are always taking care of someone. You have a mother's heart and I would have been lost without you these past few weeks. This was not my first mother's day card. Student's have given me cards and a few gifts over the years. Their point was that I have met a need in their lives and made a difference and they wanted to say thank you. Each of these has meant a lot to me. It's really nice to hear you have made a difference.
What occurred to me today is why did these different people choose mother's day to express this sentiment to me?
The answer is some how over the years I have changed and I am now filling a role for some people as the women that I called today has for me. God is using me how he created me it's just not how I see it but how he sees it.
This realization doesn't change the longings but it did make today less a day of mourning. In the end after visiting my parents I went to a friend's for dinner and had a great day. One of my youth washed my car for me today.
Here is the conclusion I have come to.
posted by Chris | 10:46 PM
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