You know the little cards that you pick up when you go to a funeral or wake I use them as bookmarks in my bible. I remember the person when I come across the card. Generally a good memory will come to mind. Friday night as I was waiting for some friends to pick me up one of those cards fell out of my bible as I was putting it away. It was for my friend Dave Dory. I looked at the date and realized that he died a year ago May 4th. I sat down sort if surprised to see that a year had gone by so quickly. When Dave died last year I had a hard time accepting it. I was pretty angry with him because he really killed himself. He did not take care of his health and his body failed. He was 36 and he wasted his life. He was generous to a fault and he loved his family and friends. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for them. Well except quit drinking and eat right. His last few years were horrible. Everything in his body began to break down. He never stopped abusing his body. I miss him I think I always will. Dave had away about him. Something that just made you care. He touched my life. I am a better person for having known him. I will think of the good times the treasured memories and I will laugh.

Who am I...

I think my ranting should be focused on figuring out the answer to this question. The first thing that comes to mind is I am a youth volunteer. This takes up most of my time and I really am available to the kids 24/7. Most people run screaming from the building when they hear youth event. I say cool what time. I have found if you love them where they are they will respond. It doesn't take much. Today I am bringing ice cream to a student who isn't going to want to see me at first. This student is going to try to get out of it. Having opened up more then comfort level will allow for, there is now fear I will push farther then this student is ready to go. The hurting is obvious while I don't know why yet, I do know love is what is needed. SO I will gain 500 lbs having ice cream and showing up until this student is ready to trust me.
I think the painful experiences in my life are what make me a good youth worker. I can relate to feeling unloved and unworthy. I still battle these feelings. Satan knows this is my weakness and when I allow a seed of doubt to be planted he will attack.