God in a chocolate bar
Many of you who still read this blog are aware that the young women who lived with me up until about 2 weeks ago is now in some very serious trouble. She has called a jail cell in a local police department home since Friday and tomorrow she is before a judge to make her plea and to figure out where she is going next.
My first reaction when I learned what she had done was to call my prayer support team and get the prayers rolling. Then I figured her face was on the news and in the paper there is no reason to be concerned about her confidentiality and I alerted everyone I could think of who loved her and would pray for her. Then I reached out to a few youth workers who I knew would pray as well.
With the prayer aspect covered I then switched out of action mode into reaction mode. I was angry so very very angry with her with the boyfriend with the comments that people left in the online article. Mostly with myself and with her.
Saturday there was a great deal of conversation about what is best for her. Making plans changing plans then making the first plan all over again. Rumor has it the boy's family has bailed him out and those of us who care about the girl have left her sitting in a jail cell. I don't know what the boy's family was thinking but I can tell you the girl's friends and family love her so much that we did not take the easy way out. We know she needs to face what she did and we know she would want to be in contact with the boy and we are so not going to make that easy for her. While the place that she would be sent if she is not bailed out and doesn't go into a rehab of some sort is a very nasty place that none of us want her to go it would still be better then being able to run free. She is an adult and needs to realize that being an adult means facing adult consequences for her actions.
By Sunday I was angry and sad thinking of all the things that she has potentially thrown away. I was thinking of the things that I could have done differently or better to have created the result I was looking for. Believe me this path is so not the result I was expecting but in a strange way it was the result I had been praying for. I arrived at church between services and immediately was involved in conversations about her and what happened. I was told be several people that she must have a drug problem and I am just too close to the situation to see it. (this did not help the anger boiling under the surface)I made it through all the conversations and went into the second service. I sang a few worship songs with this anger boiling away my heart was not in a place of worship right then. I saw out of the corner of my eye a women who has been a wise counsel for me and a prayer partner in all things concerning the young women and I felt moved to give her a hug. I made my way to the back of the church and as soon as she turned around and saw me the dam that had been holding back all of my emotions broke. I sobbed. There in this woman's arms while those around us sang and worshiped I sobbed.
We found a quiet corner in the basement of the church and talked for a few minutes. I shared all that I was feeling how my heart was breaking my frustrations over the drugs detail. I was talking with someone who had been in the pit with me and what a difference that made for me. See this woman when I said she isn't using drugs agreed with me. We talked about how for her it is all about the boy how when you are the way this woman is your thinking is wrong and you can't even see it. How she views herself and how that is in part how she ended up where she is. I know she has not been using, it is not a guess, I know.
Then I talked about how I can't help feeling like I could have done more, different, better in some way even though my brain knows that isn't true. My friend said some words to me that totally changed my perspective because God was at the heart of it all, and for the first time something that I knew with my brain had been heard with the ears of my heart. She said we are called to obey and what we are responsible for is to do just that obey. Which I had done. Then she went on she said we are not responsible for the results. For the first time my heart understood that I was not responsible for the result. The end result is yet to come and the results in between are between God and her. God has total control of the result and in a so does the young woman. She needs to chose God, His path, come to the end of herself and surrender to Him. If this isn't enough to make that happen then she may need to fall some more and God will allow that he will allow her to fall far enough for her to reach the end of herself and finally surrender to God. That is the result that I want for her I never pictured it to be this way. I had also tried to help her find that before she fell this far and God put me there for her but she made the choice. Each fall was not enough and she fell some more. I had been praying for two weeks that she find her rock bottom and begin the climb back up and I hope that she chooses this moment to be that for her. I don't want to see her fall even more.
This I know for certain fact she may fall so far that she is beyond my reach or any mere mortals but, there isn't a pit deep enough that God cannot reach her when she is ready to surrender her life to him.
This conversation had eased my heart and my friend and I went up stairs for the sermon. I listen and even joked with my friend how I hate it when the Pastor writes a sermon all about me. There was a lot of great messages for me and my heart in that sermon. Somewhere in the middle of it I surrendered the fate of this young woman up to our Lord and Savior.
The point of all of this is God knew what I needed. I had planned to go to another friends house after church to talk because I knew I needed help to process all of this. I had made the plan just before service started. She wasn't the person I needed. God led my heart to long for a hug from the person I did need to talk to. My intentions when I walked up to her were to hug her and go back to my seat. God knew this woman and he knew me he knew us before we knew him and he knew how I would hear her in a way that I may not have heard my other friend. After the service I had planned on bring the young woman her bible. I wasn't sure the police would allow her to have it but I thought it was worth a try. After the peace I realized that I was not the person God wanted on that line right now. He wanted me to surrender her fate to him just as he wants her to surrender her life to him. I handed the bible over to our worship pastor who had plans to visit her today. Once again I had obeyed and I walked away knowing that the result is now in God's hands. I had peace and while still sad for the mess she is in I knew that the very end result will be God's plan.
Through out this entire time there was more then one occasion where I had thought I would really like a chocolate bar right about now. I denied it to myself more then once over the last few days. I was in the lobby of the church talking with a friend of mine about how I didn't need to talk to him after all cause I realized that my trip to deliver the bible was not going to happen I had thought maybe on my way home I will stop and get a chocolate bar and then dismissed the thought. Thirty seconds later one of the teens came up to me. He had run in from outside sent by his mother to give me a chocolate bar that her husband had brought back from the UK. A little piece of England was the message she sent. What I saw was God moving the heart of my friend to share her chocolate with me. See God knew what I needed and he took care of every single detail right down to the chocolate bar. He didn't do it for just me either, I talked to the young woman's mother (we have been in nearly constant contact since this happened)in the middle of her church service her phone rang it was the local hospital they needed the woman's ins info. She was able to run it over there and see her daughter in the flesh. Just for a moment and she really couldn't talk to her but she had a great amount of comfort just from seeing her.
God really does have control of everything even the tiniest details like my chocolate bar.
My first reaction when I learned what she had done was to call my prayer support team and get the prayers rolling. Then I figured her face was on the news and in the paper there is no reason to be concerned about her confidentiality and I alerted everyone I could think of who loved her and would pray for her. Then I reached out to a few youth workers who I knew would pray as well.
With the prayer aspect covered I then switched out of action mode into reaction mode. I was angry so very very angry with her with the boyfriend with the comments that people left in the online article. Mostly with myself and with her.
Saturday there was a great deal of conversation about what is best for her. Making plans changing plans then making the first plan all over again. Rumor has it the boy's family has bailed him out and those of us who care about the girl have left her sitting in a jail cell. I don't know what the boy's family was thinking but I can tell you the girl's friends and family love her so much that we did not take the easy way out. We know she needs to face what she did and we know she would want to be in contact with the boy and we are so not going to make that easy for her. While the place that she would be sent if she is not bailed out and doesn't go into a rehab of some sort is a very nasty place that none of us want her to go it would still be better then being able to run free. She is an adult and needs to realize that being an adult means facing adult consequences for her actions.
By Sunday I was angry and sad thinking of all the things that she has potentially thrown away. I was thinking of the things that I could have done differently or better to have created the result I was looking for. Believe me this path is so not the result I was expecting but in a strange way it was the result I had been praying for. I arrived at church between services and immediately was involved in conversations about her and what happened. I was told be several people that she must have a drug problem and I am just too close to the situation to see it. (this did not help the anger boiling under the surface)I made it through all the conversations and went into the second service. I sang a few worship songs with this anger boiling away my heart was not in a place of worship right then. I saw out of the corner of my eye a women who has been a wise counsel for me and a prayer partner in all things concerning the young women and I felt moved to give her a hug. I made my way to the back of the church and as soon as she turned around and saw me the dam that had been holding back all of my emotions broke. I sobbed. There in this woman's arms while those around us sang and worshiped I sobbed.
We found a quiet corner in the basement of the church and talked for a few minutes. I shared all that I was feeling how my heart was breaking my frustrations over the drugs detail. I was talking with someone who had been in the pit with me and what a difference that made for me. See this woman when I said she isn't using drugs agreed with me. We talked about how for her it is all about the boy how when you are the way this woman is your thinking is wrong and you can't even see it. How she views herself and how that is in part how she ended up where she is. I know she has not been using, it is not a guess, I know.
Then I talked about how I can't help feeling like I could have done more, different, better in some way even though my brain knows that isn't true. My friend said some words to me that totally changed my perspective because God was at the heart of it all, and for the first time something that I knew with my brain had been heard with the ears of my heart. She said we are called to obey and what we are responsible for is to do just that obey. Which I had done. Then she went on she said we are not responsible for the results. For the first time my heart understood that I was not responsible for the result. The end result is yet to come and the results in between are between God and her. God has total control of the result and in a so does the young woman. She needs to chose God, His path, come to the end of herself and surrender to Him. If this isn't enough to make that happen then she may need to fall some more and God will allow that he will allow her to fall far enough for her to reach the end of herself and finally surrender to God. That is the result that I want for her I never pictured it to be this way. I had also tried to help her find that before she fell this far and God put me there for her but she made the choice. Each fall was not enough and she fell some more. I had been praying for two weeks that she find her rock bottom and begin the climb back up and I hope that she chooses this moment to be that for her. I don't want to see her fall even more.
This I know for certain fact she may fall so far that she is beyond my reach or any mere mortals but, there isn't a pit deep enough that God cannot reach her when she is ready to surrender her life to him.
This conversation had eased my heart and my friend and I went up stairs for the sermon. I listen and even joked with my friend how I hate it when the Pastor writes a sermon all about me. There was a lot of great messages for me and my heart in that sermon. Somewhere in the middle of it I surrendered the fate of this young woman up to our Lord and Savior.
The point of all of this is God knew what I needed. I had planned to go to another friends house after church to talk because I knew I needed help to process all of this. I had made the plan just before service started. She wasn't the person I needed. God led my heart to long for a hug from the person I did need to talk to. My intentions when I walked up to her were to hug her and go back to my seat. God knew this woman and he knew me he knew us before we knew him and he knew how I would hear her in a way that I may not have heard my other friend. After the service I had planned on bring the young woman her bible. I wasn't sure the police would allow her to have it but I thought it was worth a try. After the peace I realized that I was not the person God wanted on that line right now. He wanted me to surrender her fate to him just as he wants her to surrender her life to him. I handed the bible over to our worship pastor who had plans to visit her today. Once again I had obeyed and I walked away knowing that the result is now in God's hands. I had peace and while still sad for the mess she is in I knew that the very end result will be God's plan.
Through out this entire time there was more then one occasion where I had thought I would really like a chocolate bar right about now. I denied it to myself more then once over the last few days. I was in the lobby of the church talking with a friend of mine about how I didn't need to talk to him after all cause I realized that my trip to deliver the bible was not going to happen I had thought maybe on my way home I will stop and get a chocolate bar and then dismissed the thought. Thirty seconds later one of the teens came up to me. He had run in from outside sent by his mother to give me a chocolate bar that her husband had brought back from the UK. A little piece of England was the message she sent. What I saw was God moving the heart of my friend to share her chocolate with me. See God knew what I needed and he took care of every single detail right down to the chocolate bar. He didn't do it for just me either, I talked to the young woman's mother (we have been in nearly constant contact since this happened)in the middle of her church service her phone rang it was the local hospital they needed the woman's ins info. She was able to run it over there and see her daughter in the flesh. Just for a moment and she really couldn't talk to her but she had a great amount of comfort just from seeing her.
God really does have control of everything even the tiniest details like my chocolate bar.
posted by Chris | 5:39 PM
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